


feeling the tension, feeling the stress (i've got a notion i wanna confess)

by Throne



Series: love crimes [1]
Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Communication, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hair-pulling, Laughter During Sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Rough Sex, Smut, Strength Kink, Voyeurism, a lot of kissing baeby, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 08:03:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20373424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Throne/pseuds/Throne
Summary: brian had forgotten that he had a strength kink and then pat had to go lift him up on stream.or; brian and i had the same reaction to pat throwing him over his shoulder like he weighs nothing, and my mind ran away from me.





	feeling the tension, feeling the stress (i've got a notion i wanna confess)

**Author's Note:**

> _Feeling the tension, feeling the stress_  
_I've got a notion i want to confess_  
_Looking so good when your hair is a mess_  
_Tearing the buttons right off your dress_  
_Working you over time I'm getting you over the line_  
_I'm climbing your ladder and making you better_  
_'Cause here's what you need _  
  
\- Just a little bit by Kids of 88
> 
> so yeah i've had this fic on my mind ever since i watched the episode and i just finished my midterms and this is all my brain allowed me to do. come scream at me over @tieflingpride on tumblr. brian's anxiety attacks are based on my own the way i experience anxiety attacks which is to ramble.
> 
> Now I’ve got werewolf pat on my mind so expect a fic soon

it was almost like brian knew it was going to happen. like deep in his subconscious, there were warning signs telling him that this was going to the stream, the gill and gilbert episode where everything came out.

unlike most gill and gilbert episodes, brian knew what they were going to play and what the challenge, and it wasn’t like the usual rushed ‘how about this’ or ‘what challenge would fit this game’ – fifteen minutes before the stream.

they were playing shadow of the colossus, which was an alright game, brian had played it before – it wasn’t one of his favourites but in pat’s words it was ‘very streamable’ and you know, pat was the streaming expert. 

but in the classic gill and gilbert fashion, something had to go wrong. they had to cut twenty minutes into the stream due to a rogue mic acting up – the chat scrolling quickly to accommodate the repeated ‘sound crimes’ comments.

“ah fuck. tara’s gonna be mad ‘bout the stream.” pat says, brian’s eyes lingering a little too long on how the older man pushes his hair off his face.

brian wouldn’t say it was a secret; his gargantuan crush on pat. simone, clayton and jenna all figured it out fairly easily, how brian would have a small skip in his step walking next to pat, or how his cheeks were painted rosey whenever pat complimented him on a video.

it was like an open office secret that everyone knew except for patrick.

_“listen bri-bri, patrick’s smart he’s also colossal dumbass”_ simone had said, pulling him aside one random monday, _“you should just tell him or at least do something. you might be surprised.”_

her words were dripping with a tone that brian’s early morning brian couldn’t decipher. 

“it’s my fault. i used the mic earlier.” brian says, off-camera “i’ll let tara know tomorrow.”

but pat, the angel, the beautiful man that he just waves him off with a small smile.

“or we could just not let her know.”

“_or_ _we could just not let her know_,” brian parrots back with a small chuckle.

“we’ll get chat to promise not to tell!” pat says, getting up to fix the mic and the stream, like the good streamer that he was. brian always admired how pat could create such a personal connection with his chat, brian personally never ever thought he could be a streamer.

sure, he wasn’t uncomfortable in front of the camera but filming regular videos was different, it was scripted and if he messed up, he could edit around it. streaming was all live and it terrified him. he probably wouldn’t have done gill and gilbert if patrick hadn’t asked.

“alright streams set up, you ready to go again?” pat asked, taking a swig from his bottle of iced tea.

“hell yes!” 

after they restarted, the stream continued to not have any major hiccups, pat absolutely demolishes the first colossus and they got through a couple of segments, one from a user who seemed to be very into piss and cops which, frankly is a little concerning.

“alright i gotta climb on you now!” brian says, leaping up from the couch, moving the mic away. pat stayed on the couch for a couple of seconds like he forgot where he was. 

“oh shit!” he said, quickly standing.

_‘alright, how was this gonna work?’ _brian thought, _‘the best method was probably a piggyback or maybe a baby carry? maybe it was better to ask patrick since it is his back’_

“i’m on a very big bird- oh-wow!" brian abruptly feels a warm firm hand on his shoulder and a strong arm wrapping around his thigh and then suddenly he isn’t on the ground anymore.

brian can only yelp, mouth wide open, a dizzy pleasure rocking through his entire body, the sweltering heat of arousal fizzing in his stomach.

pat had hoisted him across his shoulders like it took no effort at all, like he weighed nothing.

“uh- this wasn’t a way of holding i-uh was-s expecting” brian’s mouth spews before he could stop it. his brain was trying to play catch up with the current situation, but neither were working,

“is this okay?” pat murmurs, adjusting brian on his shoulders. the pressure of pat’s shoulder pressed against brian’s quickly hardening dick and it felt dangerously good. 

“no, it’s uh- perfectly fine- it’s very com-comfortable actually!” 

brian’s brain was short circuiting. he can hear himself talking but it wasn’t so much him as it was anxiety-fueled word vomit. 

_fuck fuck fuck._

brian had forgotten about this kink. it was easy enough to do, even in his wacky ass job, it wasn’t like people carried him during his everyday life.

he hadn’t had to deal with his strength kink since his college days where billy from his chorus had fireman carried him as a joke. luckily billy didn’t catch on to the way brian’s heart thumped violently in his chest, how his palms and the back of his knees became sweaty and his how thighs squeezed together.

he’s not sure why he finds being held so arousing, but you don’t choose the kink, the kink choses you or some bullshit like that.

the way pat is carrying him didn’t give him such of a stealthy luxury. pat’s right arm went through brian’s legs and wrapped around his thigh. with billy, brian could just pound at his back till he let go but in this case, brian just had to hope that chat and more importantly pat didn’t realize him getting progressively turned on.

_fuck they were live. _

_fuck just over a thousand people were watching him almost grind on his coworker’s shoulder. _

_fuck._

brian realized in his mind’s hazy state that the chat couldn’t see the action behind them.

“so-uh no one ca_n_ really see-“ brian’s says voice cracking slightly, “they can just- kinda see the spew of the blood, that’s coming out um-uh so maybe we’ll walk a little bit further away.”

pat carries him over to the other side of the streaming couch before he can finish his sentence. brian realizes a little too late that he’s panting slightly, breath heavy, the sheer strength that patrick has makes his legs quiver.

he can’t even focus on the game at hand or with what words are coming out of his mouth, too anxious about whether pat could feel that awkward nub on his shoulder; if pat knew what he was doing to him.

“s-so how’s everyone day- be-been going?” brian says, trying to ignore how the pitch of his voice had changed, “mines being goin-g well- i uh feel my diaphragm in a way that i normally don’t-”

pat chuckles and brian can feel it throughout his entire body.

“-which is to say that i feel it.” brian says, trying his hardest to focus on the game at hand. brian turns back to the game with a new level of determination. maybe if he finished the colossus, this embarrassment would be over.

“um-oh! ooh! oh! hold- hold that furry backed creature please! ah-”

“you got this brian!” pat speaks and it feels like the first time in fucking ages.

“okay oh wow! i’m-”

it’s almost like he’s bragging, pat that is; when he starts to squat with brian on his shoulders. it’s like he’s bragging that he can make brian weak at the knees, the movement of pat’s shoulder meaning that brian’s dick is continuously pressing deliciously against the hard edge of his shoulder.

he’s not though, which is the bad part. pat doesn’t know what he does to him.

“-ah i’m disorientated,” he says, the lack of air in his lungs making it hard, as pat continues to squat, “a-and i’m also being uh used for pat’s good thigh workouts.”

pat stops squatting, and for a couple of seconds, brian’s body can find peace.

“ah no! hold tight to my boy! okay, almost there! almost there! almost there! annnd one stabola!” brian says, mind still reeling.

“god, i gotta go the other wing now! ah no!,” pat laughs in response, jerking his shoulder right up into brian’s groin which is _just brilliant_.

“gotta go the other wing,” pat says, and carries brian to the other side of the streaming couch. he’s not sure if it’s the blood rushing to his head or it’s the horridly beautiful pressure on his dick from pat’s shoulder but brian feels light-headed. 

brian knows he’s panting but can’t focus enough to stop it; he tries desperately to make it look like it’s the adrenaline from playing the game.

“guys- this is the m- this is a good s- _content_” his mouth can barely form the words, his brain is fuzzy and his sweaty hands are gripping the controller too tightly “everyone! i need you to say this is good content – three times fast please or i and a fairy will die.”

the bird is nearly dead, it’s only going to take just a little bit more effort and this embarrassing nightmare will be over 

“and- oh! it’s done.” it only took him over three minutes but it felt like forever. he lets himself slide of patrick’s back with patricks help before collapsing into a panting mess. patrick, the absolute dick, looks unbothered as he plops down next to brian whos actively trying not to die.

“_hah_-howzit’ going pat? we haven’t heard from you in a bit” he says, trying to deviate attention from his frantic state.

“good,” pat replies, calmly like a douchebag, “i, i kinda feel like my calling might just be holding people while the play video games.”

brian has to bite his tongue to stop the squeak from exiting his mouth, “u-uh it’s definitely a calling, umm but no one really answers that calling though when they are called - you don’t see that at the smash melee tournaments.”

“actually now my shoulder and back hurt a lot” pat chuckles, rubbing at his shoulder.

brian snorts, “i-i was gonna say, you really put me up on those clavicles. all day long on those clavicles, which is _certainly _a choice.”

“do i do that one now?” pat asks, reaching for the controller, completely oblivious to brian’s current state.

“u-um well i think let’s take a small break.” brian says, heart still beating rapidly in his chest. pat doesn’t fight the notion settling back into the couch. 

the stream continues with the segments giving brian time to breathe and think about his options. run is definitely one of them but and though that would be hilarious to watch, it would also ruin the stream and he’s also now carrying pat once more.

after not paying attention to the brutal killing of the sweet creature, brian, again finds himself in the position of being carried but beats pat to deciding the type of hold the next time silently pushing pat into position for a piggy back.

but then it’s seemingly all for nothing when the next time he must be carried, pat suggests fireman carry once more and brian’s brain can’t come up with an logical excuse that’s not ‘_sorry ma body too horny for that one par’dner’._ so here he is, yet again, hooked around pat’s strong shoulders, knuckles clenched turning white on the controller.

and it’s all disgustingly marvelous. 

the rest of the stream blurs together and all of a sudden brian finds himself waving and saying goodbye to chat.

“good stream.” pat says, after the beat left by him turning the stream off. it’s a statement but somehow it also sounds like a question.

“you think? you think tara won’t have our necks?”

“nah, the guillotine is still waiting for us tomorrow-” brian snorts, reaching over to turn off the soundboard, “but there’s a lot of good moments for the highlight reel.”

“ever the socialist pat gill." 

“yeah eat the rich and all that jazz,” pat says lazily, standing and motioning towards the door with his thumb, “do you mind just finishing putting the rest of the mics away? i’m just gonna go grab my shit.”

“yeah yeah go ahead, get me to do your dirty work.” brian smirks, but there’s no heat behind it.

as soon as pat leaves and the door closes with a loud ‘click’, brian lets out an audible groan, fingers almost ripping his hair out.

“fucking shit. fucking jesus christ.” brian hands come up to the cover his eyes. “brian you’re so pathetic oh my lord.”

he just wants to go home, to his bed, _to his shower_ more importantly so he can turn the dial all the way to fucking antarctica and furiously wash away tonight. his phone vibrates violently next to him, brian cartoonly catches it before it can fall off the arm of the couch.

**-> lau kat 7:05pm **

_heyyy_

_got someone coming over can u not be home for like 3 hrs?_

_told jonah hes cool w it _

someone in the universe has it out for him. someone has damned him to an embarrassing fate, of having the night strung out further. brian rolls his eyes, running a hand through his hair.

**me 7:10pm <-**

_i hate u _

_sure_

**-> lau kat 7:12pm **

_love u 2_

pat walks back into the room bag slung over his left shoulder, tapping quietly on his phone, not looking up.

“hey you doing anything tonight?” he asks, “my roommates got night shift, was think ‘bout booting up some mario kart?”

brian chuckles awkwardly, “actually, you’re in luck,” he turns his phone towards pat, “i think i just got sexiled by my sister-”

“solid” pat says, reading the aforementioned message.

“-so it seems i’m all yours on this lovely wednesday night.”

at this pat eyes meet his and smiles, but it’s almost like his eyes darken at the thought but that’s probably just brian’s imagination. 

though she’ll probably be distracted, brian flicks laura a message regardless.

**me 7:17pm <-**

_going home w pat _

_don’t wait up_

**-> lau kat 7:28pm **

_ooo _

_👅💦💦_

_go get em tiger _

-

it’s not the first time brian’s been over to pat’s but theres still a sorta ‘welcome to my house’ vibe in the air. like a _should i take off my shoes vibe or where should i put my stuff vibe or do u wanna talk about what happened on stream vibe._

though the last one is personally just for brian.

“charles!” brian says, all previous anxieties are forgotten when he sets his sights on the beautiful tabby cat. he all but throws his bag on the couch and plops down, “charles my sweet baby boy!”

pat shrugs off his shoes and dumps his bag on the kitchen counter, asking whether brian wants takeout. he lists a bunch of options and brian, too busy giving charles all the attention in the world, just says whatever the first option was and before he knows it he’s got a beer in one hand and the smell of pizza permeates the room.

patrick chucks brian a controller who scrambles to catch it, failing miserably. brian choses yoshi and a standard bike, and pat, ever on brand chooses waluigi.

mario kart is fun, it’s a type of distracting fun. since they both play it enough, it’s challenging and doesn’t feel like one person parading victoriously the entire time. it’s significantly more enjoyable when there is com turned on and he’s not shoving nutterbutters or oreos down his throat a mile a minute.

“ah-ha yes-fuck! did you just green shell me pat gill?” brian yells, furiously twisting and turning the controller, eyes not leaving the screen in front of him. he watches as several people including pat pass him, “ah! fuck you pat gill!”

“that’s what you get for being up front! no! no!-goddammit brian i hit my own banana.”

“yeah it’s called fucking karma patrick” brian replies, furiously mashing the button once he gets an item box. “oh hell yeah bullet bill here we go!”

“bullet bull in seventh? i call fucking hacks” pat quips, but the edges of his mouth are curled upward in a bright smile.

“it’s actually just called being good at the game _babey_ and praying to our god miyamoto everynight,” brian says, watching as his character goes from seventh to third in a matter of seconds.

brian doesn’t tear his eyes away from the screen but he can hear how pat laughs with his whole body, and it makes brian’s insides burst with warmth. in videos, he makes it his goal to be somewhat humorous but it’s almost made extra special when pat laughs. whilst the computer plays his character, he downs the rest of his beer, tipping his head back to get the last straggling drops.

“does your praying involve blood sacrifices?” pat asks, jerking his controller to avoid another banana.

“only on weekends.”

  
“well pray all you want but it looks likeee-” pat says, drawing out the last syllable of ‘like’ as waluigi crosses the finish line. “first!” he says, holding up his controller in his right hand. 

“ah goddammit” brian says, watching his character finish in third behind shy guy.

pat places his controller on the coffee table, “i think this means i win the entire thing.” to which brian just groans in response, throwing the control down next to him in mock annoyance. pat just laughs lightly, “you want another beer?”

brian nods, putting his controller down to pet at charles who had been previously curled up in pat’s lap, now made his way to his. he scratches charles the way pat told him too, under the chin, then behind the ears and finally, the back. 

a sudden hand with a beer appears in his peripheral vision “here.”

brian takes it eagerly, trying to adjust himself on the couch without disturbing charles. pat plops down on the couch, picking up his controller to choose a new course. 

“hey about earlier, i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable,” he says, not looking away from the screen.

brian chokes on his sip of beer, coughing to make it go down. “what?”

“uh the stream? you know, when i just kinda grabbed you? i should’ve asked first, sorry.” pat finishes, putting his controller down and taking a sip of his beer.

_fuck alright. he noticed. fuck fuck fuck._

“oh that? no it was fine.” brian chuckles awkwardly, “it wasn’t you. it was my own dumbass self really.”

pat raises an eyebrow, setting his beer down on the coffee table, “how so?”

_fuck. _

“oh you know its uh-” 

_stop talking._

“-it’s kinda just like-”

_stop talking._

“-um it’s uh-”

** _stop talking._ **

“hey! hey! bri. it’s fine, sorry… i didn’t know it would cause you such mental distress.” pat says very softly, so soft that it reminds brian of his asmr voice. goddamn, pat and his fucking amazingly soft deep voice.

brian drags his hands down his face, leaning back against the couch. “god i’m so pathetic. i’m sorry pat i’ve ruined tonight-”

pat huffs and runs his hand through his hair like usually does when stressed and then brian finds himself enveloped in an unexpected hug. it’s awkward since charles is still in his lap and brian’s body is facing the t.v but brian absolutely _melts. _

his brain goes through sensory overload, pat’s scent is suddenly everywhere and his hair tickles brian’s cheeks. the hug is so warm, lovely and firm, and it makes brian kinda want to cry. just a little bit.

  
after a while when pat finally pulls away, charles leaps out brian’s lap and disappears down the hall. when brian’s body can move again he looks over to see pat looking sheepish “sorry couldn’t help myself. i guess- well for me personally hugs help with anxiety, now what’s wrong?” 

like a hypnotists trick, brian suddenly cannot stop the information that leaves him. it’s reliving but also horrifying as words pour out of him like a tsunami.

“so heres the thing- i like being carried. not like normal piggy backing or like baby carrying. like that doesn’t do it for me. maybe bridal? it-it’s- you know it’s about like- it’s uh it’s about strength,” brian rambles watching pat’s eyes widen but he cannot stop the floodgate of words leaving his mouth. 

“bri-” 

“maybe? possibly? i think it’s more like i like being manhandled? like when you just hefted me up, i couldn’t concentrate- it’s like my brain shut down.”

pat makes a sharp inhale through his nose, “brian!”

“it was u-uh hot? really hot…”

he’s met with silence after his outburst, just the sound of his heavy breathing in the room and the mario kart music in the background. pat slumps into the couch, casting his fingers through his hair, eyebrows furrowed.

“jesus christ brian.” pat says like a dying man, laying an arm over his face. “you can’t just say things like that.” 

brian nods, stupidly since pat isn’t even looking at him, “yeah- i- sorry.”

pat lets out a deep sigh, there’s a beat, a gap- like he wants to say something but unlike brian he cannot find the words. 

well tomorrow is going to be awkward, if pat wanted to go far enough it could be counted as an hr violation – they’re going to have to cancel gill and gilbert that’s for sure. brian’s brain is working a mile a minute, playing out all the scenarios of the rest of his polygon career out in front of him.

“well,” brian starts with false confidence, a false smile “i’m going to be reliving this moment filled under ‘confessing to a guy who doesn’t like me’- for the rest of my life.”

“wait. wait wait.” pat says, bolting up making brian jump in his seat, “you don’t think i like you?" 

brian frowns, “well yeah? firstly the impression of tonight and secondly, you know- you literally just said ‘you can’t just say things like that’.”

“yeah- god, what i meant is you can’t say those things, with- fuck how do i say this without sounding like a weirdo-,” pat says, running his fingers through his hair, “-without me wanting to pounce on you?”

this time brian can’t help the tiny squeak he lets out, “what?!”

pat rubs his forehead with his thumb and pointer finger, trying to hide the flush that blooms across his cheeks but brian thinks it’s glorious. “brian you’re beautiful, you’re one of the most talented people i’ve ever met, you’ve got the cutest dumbest haircut and- i’ve been gone for you since you stepped in the office.”

“what?" 

“everyone in the office knows!”

“well-” brian huffs, point his finger towards patrick accusingly, “everyone in the office knows that i’ve had massive thing for you too! i’m not the only clueless one!” 

they both just stare at each other before pat snorts and they both break out in giggles. it’s a welcomed change in atmosphere for brian, all his previous anxiety being lifted off his shoulders.

“god, we’re both just dumbasses aren’t we?” pat says. he’s smiling now and it’s the most beautiful thing brian’s seen in a while.

“god yeah. _jee-zus,_ i had so much anxiety for nothing,” brian says, hooking his legs so he sits cross legged on the couch, turning to face pat, “wait why didn’t you tell me?”

pat snorts, “could ask you the same question.”

brian shrugs, “anxiety.”

“you know, that’s a solid answer - i’ll give that one to you.”  
  
brian nods sinking back into the couch before quickly surging foreword, gasping like a dying man, like he just remembered something, “also! also! i didn’t know you were gay? bi?”

pat shrugs but he’s smirking, “you never asked-” brian gives him a _look _and pat’s hands go up in mock defeat, “-i, uh, don’t really like labels i guess? also, i only figured i liked guys fairly recently.” 

a wicked glimmer appears in brian’s eyes that pat’s familiar with as it’s similar to when he realizes something when researching for his videos. brian’s smile seems to be growing bigger every second that passes, “pat gill, does this mean i was-”

before he can get further pat cuts him off with a very pointed look, “don’t let it go to your head.” but that does nothing to wipe the smile off brian’s face, “great, i’ve created a monster.”

“_anyway,_ why didn’t you tell me?” brian asks, still beaming, “other than anxiety of course. ‘cause that’s understandable.”

pat shrugs again, “i mean, well, as i already said - didn’t know i was into guys. also, i’m too ol-”

“-patrick gill if you say you’re too old for me, i will tackle you.”

“kinky.”

“_patrick.”_

“alright alright,” pat giggles. he’s _giggling _and it makes brian’s heart soar, “it’s the seniority i guess? like i’ve been at polygon longer than you and i’ve got a little bit more authority than you. if this-” he motions between the two of them, “-wasn’t reciprocated you could have gone to tara ‘bout it.”

“i wouldn’t have,” brian cuts in. he gets it though, what pat means, either one or both of them could have lost their jobs over this- he’s seen it happen before, in his old corporate job and it wasn’t pretty. hr violation cases never are.

pat huffs, running his fingers through his hair, “yeah i know that _now._”

they sit in silence once more, neither knowing what to say next or where to go next. pat reaches back for his controller and goes back to selecting a course. but is distracted by the fact that brian starts snickering to himself, suddenly covering his face with his hands. 

“what?” pat asks, with genuine concern laced in his voice.

brian waves and hand in front of his face trying to stop himself from laughing, “it’s just- wow i was invited over to play mario kart and it turns out the game was feelings”

pat sighs, but brian knows that he’s smiling, “jesus christ brian you had me scared that this whole thing was a goof.”

“sorry. sorry. that thought just came out of nowhere,” brian says, “okay do you wanna play another round of the kart or do we wanna do more questions?”

pat places his controller the couch next to him, “yeah i’ve just got one more question”

“alright shoot,” brian says.

“can i kiss you?” 

brian splutters but recovers fast placing a hand on his chest dramatically, “oh patrick gill, you sweet gentleman of maine.” 

pat blushes hard, avoiding eye contact, “is that a no?” 

“of course not you goof- c’mere!” brian says, but he’s the one who scoots closer, placing his hand on pat’s thigh and leaning in till their lips meet.

it’s an awkward start as most first kisses are, the trying to work out what the other likes, trying to get the correct speed, the correct pressure.

pat’s lips are soft, a little chapped which brian would say is somewhat on brand. it’s wonderful. if brian was a sappier guy he would have thought that it felt like coming home, like a blanket during a rainstorm or some shit like that.

it’s a light press of their lips, once, twice softly. brian goes to pull away but pat’s hands come up to grip his face, physically deepening the kiss, keeping him there. brian’s startled a bit by the ferocity that pat brings to kissing but he finds himself parting his lips, letting pat take full freedom to slip his tongue in.

pat, though it’s a surprise to no one really, is a great kisser. he tastes like the beer and pizza that they both had but there’s something unmistakeably pat about it. their tongues curl together, making brian dizzy.

pat’s panting and making these deep _mn _sounds and it goes straight to brian’s crotch. 

“can-i-_hah_, do something?” pat asks, between open mouth kisses. brian nods against his mouth and pat’s hands drop from his face. brian misses the pressure a little bit before pat’s hands drop to caress his ass cupping and reaching to grip the back of brian’s thighs and yank him till he’s sitting in pat’s lap.

brian moans, though honestly, it’s more of a startled squeak into pat’s mouth, hands flying up to grip the older’s shoulders. he forces himself away to sit back on his heels, chest heaving. 

pat chases after his lips but brian holds up his finger in front of his face, breathing heavily, “_hah_-oh fuck-_hah_ oh shit, _jesus_ pat gill-_hah_, _are you trying to kill me?_” 

“is this okay?” pat asks, smirking wickedly but he’s panting as well. _asshole_, he already knows the answer.

“fuckin- ‘is this okay?’ he dares to even _ask_\- god you hot bastard man _hah_-_je-sus_, why didn’t you tell me wanted to kiss me earlier?” 

“_you never asked_,” pat repeats with the exact same snark as before and brian’s only response is to dive back down and capture pat’s lips once more. brian’s hand reaches around to the nape of pat’s neck and tugs softly at the hair back there, testing the waters. 

the reaction is immediate, pat’s hips buck up, hands gripping brian’s thighs deliciously tight.

_bingo._

brian can’t help but moan these pathetic little_ mm_ and _ah_ sounds whenever pat’s crotch grinds up against his. a hand slides up to brian’s waist under his demin jacket over the soft material of his shirt but it hesitates silently asking _can i?_ _should i?_

brian, without pulling away from the kiss, just grabs pat’s hand and shoves it up his shirt. he groans and winces slightly at the coldness of the hand but his boldness is rewarded when fingertips dance and fingernails dig ever so delectably into his sides. pat takes this as a signal to, with his other hand, squeeze brian’s ass _hard _and then slide it to join the other. 

brian pulls away to breathe once more, because, you know, breathing is important. pat presses a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, once before moving to kiss down brian’s jawline.

he giggles at pat’s beard tickling his jaw breaks off into a whimper as pat’s mouth drops lower, mouthing and biting at the smooth skin of his neck.

_that’s gonna leave a mark_ brian thinks distantly, he should probably remind patrick about work but the only thing he can do is gasp and pull, grip, harder at pat’s hair. pat dives deeper to nip at his collarbones, burying his entire face in the crook of brian’s shoulder. 

it’s messy, sloppy and passionate and brian’s overwhelmed. he scratches his nails bluntly against pat’s scalp and he basks in the way that pat shudders. pat retaliates by biting down hard on brian’s neck.

“cheeky.” brian chuckles, whimpering as pat traces his tongue down the side of neck – licking up the sweat that’s collected there. it’s a good distraction as any as brian doesn’t notice pat’s hand slipping down undoing the button of his jeans. 

pat pulls away, chuckling, hair messed up and eyes blazing, “someone’s excited.”

brian looks down and, oh yeah, that’s a very obvious bump. he’s fully tenting in his boxers, dick rock hard. but brian can feel pat beneath him, jutting up ever so slightly to his touches.

“you too buddy,” brian says, grinding down into pat’s very obvious hard-on, causing the older to grip his waist tighter.

“buddy? really brian?” pat’s voice is hoarser than it was before and it feels like a victory.

brian laughs, “my good ol’ pal patrick gill.”

“i will leave.”

brian pecks his lips once more, pushing pat’s hair off his face, “i’m kidding. also, this is your place.”

pat rolls his eyes and smashes their lips back together, pressing his tongue against brian’s lips. 

“wait. mmpf- wait.” brian pulls back, hands on patrick’s shoulders to balance himself, “not- not that kissing you isn’t fantastic because i feel like i’ve died and gone to heaven-”

patrick snorts, running his hands up brian’s waist.

“-but what exactly is on the table? if you wanna keep kissing then i’m- well i’m all for it but if you don’t then that’s also cool, you know-”

“brian,” pat says gripping his waist, “it’s _alright- _you seem to have something you want? what do you want?” 

“well uh-” brian says, “do you-uh maybe wanna fuck me?”

he’s met by a sound of a sharp inhale of air by patrick. he lifts his palms up, “unless that’s too forward-” 

“yes.”

brian flushes at the bluntness of the response, finally making eye contact with pat again and _holy shit_, there’s something dark and lustful in pat’s stare. his lips are shiny, kiss bitten and he’s panting- breathing like some kind of dark beast. he looks like he wants to eat brian alive and it sends a chill down his spine.

“god brian is that even a question?” pat says, leaning his head on the back of the couch, “here you are squirming- grinding in my lap- making these hot little whimpers in my ear, and you think i wouldn’t want to fuck you?”

brian just flushes a bright red, stuttering and running his fingers through his hair, “sorry, sorry. anxiety.”

pat leans in and presses a chaste kiss to brian’s cheek and it makes brian want to shy away, cheeks heating up more. 

brian physically shakes his head to get rid of the shyness, patting at his flaming cheeks, “how do we wanna do this? logistically?”

“i mean- part of me wants to fuck you right here-” pat says, like it’s the most basic thing in the world. 

brian chokes on nothing, hands covering his eyes and groaning which makes pat chuckle.

“yep, i’m fine, yep. continue.”

pat snickers, “but i also gotta think ‘bout my roommate so-”

“-so your bedroom?” brian finishes for him. pat makes an affirmative noise, and brian moves to get up but pat hands slide over his ass to grip at his thighs, not allowing him to move. brian quirks an eyebrow, “pat-”

“-wrap your legs around me,” pat says, suddenly standing up and brian can only wordlessly gape hastily wrapping his legs around pat’s center. the punch of arousal seeping into his entire being and oh fuck, he’s closer than he thought. it’s about the fourth time pat’s carried him today but he’s always as surprised as the first time.

“_oh_ _jee-zus_” is the only thing brian’s brain can come up with, as pat without much effort steps around the couch, adjusting his hold as he presses small kisses on the marks decorating brian’s neck. the pressure and heat between both of their bodies is intoxicating and brian slams his eyes shut to stop himself from rocking his dick into patrick’s stomach.

all of his previous anxious thoughts replaced with _yearning and craving_. 

they make their way down the hallway, pat stops a couple of times pressing brian’s back against the wall – kissing the soul out of him, biting and swallowing the noises that make their way out of his mouth.

“pat-_hah, _pat gill,” he says, nails clawing at pat’s back, “if we don’t- i’m gonna- in my-”

pat pulls away, and looks at him. it’s a look of understanding, like a _‘i get that you might not wanna come in you jeans like a teenage’_ look or something like that. he juggles brian in his hold, hands sliding firm and warm over his ass, adjusting, squeezing, holding him steady before they continue their trek down to pat’s room. 

pat lightly drops him on the bed, and it gives brian a good couple of seconds to breathe, staring up the ceiling. pat escapes his view, but brian can hear the sound of a drawer pulling out and the rustling of searching. 

brian pulls both of his hands through his hair, “god pat you’ve ruined me- you’ve ruined me for anyone else.”

“i hope so,” the bed dips as pat climbs back on, tossing the lube and condoms somewhere on the bed. he’s smiling, but it’s a wicked smile. all sly and toothy. patrick’s watching him, like a predator stalking his prey. 

brian can only imagine what he looks like to pat, sweaty and panting, his shirt has risen to rest on his hips exposing his stomach, button of his jeans still popped from before, and hair fans against the duvet. he knows he looks desperate, _ruined. _

pat climbs over brian, pressing a small kiss to brian’s lips before unbuttoning his shirt, throwing it somewhere in the corner. and as soon as that first slather of skin appears all that brian wants to do is _touch; _wants to spread his hands along pat’s chest, feel every inch of skin, muscle. 

he sits up fast; the world spinning for a second, he grounds himself by pulling patrick down and crashing their lips together. he peels off his demin jacket without breaking the kiss, crumpling into a ball and throwing it behind somewhere behind pat.

pat hands curl and try to pull brian’s shirt up, but their faces connected stops this from happening. they both giggle into the kiss.

pat pulls away laughing, motioning his hands upward rapidly; brian immediately takes the hint pulling up his shirt till they’re both sitting there shirtless. his shirt is still in his hands when pat passionately presses his lips against brian’s. 

“h-how many fingers?” pat stutters and it’s adorable, hands rest lightly on brian’s hips, “how many fingers do you usually use?” 

brian giggles, “two or three usually. depends.”

“depends?”

“you’re cute,” brian says, pulling his jeans off, “depends how big you are _daddy_.”

patrick leans his head on brian’s shoulder, groaning, “god you’re the worst.”

brian throw his head back, laughter racking throughout his body, “you don’t like it?”

“_no.”_

“alright. dully noted,” brian says, tugging at pat’s jeans till the other takes the hint.

pat steps off the bed and begins to pull down his jeans, swaying his hips slightly. 

brian giggles and winks, “ooh dinner and a show.” 

pat rolls his eyes, stepping out his jeans – kicking them off to the side. brian revels in the wet spot growing in pat’s boxers. 

“so do you want to watch? let me give you a tour?” 

pat raises and eyebrow, hopping back on the bed, “a tour?”

“mm- i meant, watch me finger myself,” brian says, a flush painting him from cheeks down to his chest, “not that i don’t think you’d be good- but fingering men is different from fingering women.” 

pat’s eyes glass over and he nods, scrambling to grab the lube that he procured before, “yeah. yeah uh- show me the ropes.”

brian nods, thumbs moving to the waistband of his boxers, and _well here goes nothing_, he tugs off his boxers and it takes all of his willpower to not close his legs or cover himself up.

the small gasp that pat lets out does nothing but add to his ego. he holds a hand out for the lube which pat passes to him, saying nothing- watching in earnest. 

it’s cute how focused pat is. brian can tell that he’s trying to not be, brian was partially joking about the tour but pat’s wrapped up learning what brian likes, he’s close but not too close, trying to given brian as much room without feeling like he’s supervising.

_alright, got an audience – how do i go about this?_

brian lies back spreading his legs, hiking his knees up, feet flat on the bed. he pops the cap open, pouring the lube into his hand, coating his fingers. scented, brian’s brain provides as he works on warming the lube up.

“cherry?”

pat looks off to the side but brian knows he’s blushing, “shut up.”

then brian’s trailing a hand down his own torso, hiking himself on one elbow as he reaches down and circles his hole with his finger. the lube is barely warmed but his body is scorching, skin soaked with sweat.

he can see, as he slips the first finger inside himself; that pat’s hands are shaking like he doesn’t know what to with them. he slams his eyes shut, even though he knows that pat is very much into him, he cannot help the burst of shyness - it’s been so long since he’s done this with an audience, been so long since he’s fingered himself.

though he may be rusty, brian knows himself and his body, adding in a second finger after a couple of minutes and pausing for a small moment. even though he actively avoid his prostrate, he feels like he could burst at any second. brian has to bite at his bottom lip, keeping the embarrassing noises muffled. 

“brian?” pat says, so quietly that if brian hadn’t be so attuned to the other’s presence – he wouldn’t have heard him.

brian’s eyes are still shut, pumping his two fingers inside himself, “_hn_?” 

“c-can i- can i try something?”

brian forces his eyes open and _oh, _for one, pat’s shifted to in between his legs and two, pat’s fully naked and all of the fantasies of pat could never do him justice. he’s beautiful. well, pat’s always been this rugged type of beautiful but this was different. this was the pat that pat was allowing brian to see. the pat that only a handful had seen before. 

“can i?” pat tries again, motioning towards the fingers that are still pumping in and out of brian’s hole.

“oh- yeah. yep. yep yep sure,” brian rambles, wincing as he roughly pulls out his fingers.

pat grabs the lube and pours maybe a little too much on but it’s fine, brian’s fine. it’s not like he’s complaining. brian lays down, throwing an arm over his face, it’s fine.

all of a sudden, two fingers are shoved inside him. brian yelps into his arm, back arching off the bed. pat’s fingers are longer, thicker than his and it’s not just fine, it’s _good. _it’s fucking _extraordinary_. 

“you okay?” pat asks, stilling his fingers and brian can only make a broken ‘uh huh’, muffled behind his arm. 

pat takes this as a sign and continues his task, starting out slow for a couple of minutes before he’s just harshly thrusting the two fingers in, deeper and deeper.

“_hn – hah, oh my.”_

it’s not too long till brian hears the sound of pat squirting more lube to brian’s hole and it’s wet, really wet and brian loves it. the squelching sound of the lube is just _sinful. _pat suddenly shoves in a third finger and-

“oh my jesus fuck, fuck!” brian arches completely off the bed, pat’s removes his fingers like he touched something too hot.

“brian-” 

brian cuts him off, “pat- pat please get your fingers back in. it’s _hah _fine you just hit m’spot- oh god please- _please_.”

pat shoves his fingers back in and it’s electric. brian can’t even hold back his noises back anymore, throwing his head back, gripping at the sheets- _fuckfuckpatohmyfuck. _he flails his arm out towards pat, who’s looking at him like he’s a piece of art. 

_“kiss me, kiss me please-please,” _brian whimpers and pat bends over his smashing their lips together. it’s all teeth and tongue, it’s sloppy and amazing. brian’s drooling, can feel pat’s dick pressing against his stomach and it’s so hard, hot and heavy.

pat’s fingers are tortuous and unrelenting. he’s a quick learner. it’s unfair, he’s meant to be inexperienced, a _newbie_ to this but he’s going make brian come from only being fucked by his fingers.

“brian,” pat says, panting into his mouth, “are you gonna come? _can you come from this_?”

brian doesn’t know who’s blessed him with this beautiful doting but also, wicked man. but it makes brian believe in a higher power.

nodding, he swallows the spit in his mouth, fingers finding their way into pat’s hair, tugging, pulling to ground himself. he wants to cover his face but pat’s _right there_, biting at his earlobe. 

“yeah? you gonna come?” pat whispers, the earlier wariness has disappeared and all that remains is this devil of a man. brian can feel his orgasm roaring like an incoming train. 

it only takes a couple more pumps of pat’s hand till the cord in brian’s gut snaps and he’s bucking and coming all over himself. his vision blurs at the edges, and he violently slumps into the bed.

pat pecks his lips and sits up, slowly removing his fingers from inside brian when brian stops coming. brian pants, chest heaving and he runs his fingers through his sweat matted hair.

“_jesus pat- _you sure you’ve never done that before. shit!”

pat chuckles, shrugging, “did what felt natural." 

“god _fuck_”

“you need a couple minutes or-”

“no.” brian rasps out, “i mean- if you want a break we can but i can get hard again fast and i need you inside me.”

pat nods, pressing a kiss to brian’s knee. he gets up mumbling something about washing his hands.

brian strokes his cock, as he watches patrick leave for the bathroom. it hurts a little since he _just _came but it’s a good kind of pain. he can feel his dick pulsing, getting hard again. 

it’s not too long till pat returns, shifting between brian’s legs, condom in hand. the sound of the packet being ripped open fills brian with anticipation and he watches with baited breath as pat rolls the condom on. 

he spreads brian’s legs wider, moving in closer. brian can feel his cock, just shy of entering him. he knows pat’s looking for any sort of sign of hesitation, he just nods shallowly.

and oh god it’s bliss when pat pushes into him. he’s not even fully in him but brian already feels so full. pat’s pushing in slow, still looking for any hints of pain or disagreement.

“you-you ah- _i’m not going to break patrick,_” brian moans, making direct eye contact. pat quirks his eyebrow, a challenging glint in his eye and-_fuck _

that seems to do it as pat pushes in fully till he’s flushed with brian’s hips. _oh jesus oh fucking christ. _pat sits there, grinding in small circles, arms either side of brian’s head. his hair hangs down in front of his face but brian can see the look of absolute pleasure on his face.

pat, not giving brian any more time to breathe pulls out till only the head of his dick is still in and then thrusts forward burying himself to the hilt. it knocks the wind out of brian. 

“pat-_hnn_ fuck ah _oh shit_ patrick!” 

he does it again and again. pounding into brian with firm and hard pace, it’s so hard that the headboard hits against the wall and brian briefly worries about pat’s neighbors but it's forgotten when on one particularly hard thrust that pat hits brian’s prostrate dead on. 

“_ohshit pat! fuck again again pleasepleaseplease_!” brian all but screams before he remembers right – neighbors.

brian attempts to clamp his hand over his mouth but grabs his hand, pinning it the bed with a vicious thrust and fuck it makes brian’s cock twitch. the sound of pat’s balls slapping against his ass makes him blush, wanting to hide. 

“pat- _hah ohjesus shit_ y-your neighbors-” 

“don’t care.” pat says, leaning over and hiking brian’s legs around his waist. he’s already so deep in brian’s gut but he wants to be deeper. “i want to _fucking_ hear you.” every word is accompanied by a harsh thrust. 

“oh my god- _patrick_!” brian moans, hand not pinned grabbing, grasping at air wanting to hold anything. pat without relenting his thrusts, grabs it and laces their hands together and it’s a tonal whiplash for brian.

patrick’s practically lying on top of him now, the squelching sound of the lube accompanied by pounding makes brian lightheaded. he feels overwhelmed, his throat hurts from screaming and his back is screaming at him from all the constant arching but _it’s good, it’s so good._

he doesn’t even notice how close to the brink he is, patrick leans down and presses his lips to brian’s. the constant movement making it slightly awkward but nobody cares. it’s hot, sweaty and amazing. pat bites his lips a little too hard and brian’s drooling down his chin but it’s perfect. 

it’s sensory overload in the best way, the only thing on brian’s mind is _patrick, patrick, patrick. _pat breaks away from the kiss, head diving in the crook of brian’s neck and his thrusts become less focused but faster.

“_fuck fuck fuck shit,”_ pat moans, quietly muffled by brian’s neck. he nudges brian’s legs up further to the point where brian is almost folded in half.

brian knows his body is gonna hate him in the morning but he cannot find it in himself to care because pat’s pinning him to the bed and fucking him like an animal, and it’s so strong and hard and brian feels like all he can do is _take it._

his orgasm almost feels out of nowhere. his body seizes up and all he can see it black for a couple of seconds, eye rolling back and hip bucking like a madman. _ahfucking jesus pat _is all he can moan, his come coating both his and pat’s stomach. 

pat doesn’t slow down, in fact, he does the opposite. he fucks into him with an even more brutal pace, panting hard into brian’s shoulder. 

brian knows pat’s going to come soon, teething at brian’s neck like a vampire and whilst he’s distracted brian unlaces his hand, reaching to the back of pat’s hair and he _tugs._

pat fucking _howls_, hips immediately slamming forward. brian can feel the little staccato motions that pat makes as he fills the condom, panting harshly into brian’s shoulder. brian strokes pat’s hair whilst he comes down from his high, pressing kisses to pat’s sweat soaked scalp. pat’s hips make one final kick before he absolutely collapses on top of brian.

they both stay there for a while, each catching their breath. pat keeps himself busy, sucking a couple of new marks into brian’s collarbones.

“mm heavy,” brian groans after a couple of minutes and pat pushes himself up, and begins to pull out and brian winces at the overstimulation.

“sorry,” pat says, voice hoarse and shy, it takes a couple of tries for him to fully pull out – not wanting to hurt the other but once he does he pulls the condom off and ties it.

“never be sorry,” brian murmurs, fully fucked out, “i hope you know i’m keeping you.” 

pat gives him a flustered little smile and brian can’t help but return it, in a groggy lazy type of way. his body is so tired that brian knows if he closed his eyes for longer than a second he’ll pass out into a deep slumber. 

he can hear the tap running distantly but he’s distracted by his body trying to get his breathing back to normal. pat’s not gone for long, and the washcloth that he wipes across brian’s stomach and crotch is cold but it’s nice.

“thanks,” brian says, sleepily and patrick presses a kiss to brian’s sweaty forehead, before pulling the duvet back so that brian can crawl under the covers.

brian slips under the covers and it’s only moments till pat joins him, spooning him from behind.

“pat?” brian says, moments away from falling asleep in pat’s arms.

“yeah?”

“‘m gonna date the shit out of you.”

he can feel pat smiling into his shoulder, arms curling tighter around brian’s middle, “looking forward to it.”

“and ‘m gonna suck your dick." 

“yeah?” pat repeats, heavily amused.

“tomorrow.” 

pat can’t help the chuckle that rumbles tiredly from his chest, “i’ll hold you to it.”

brian nods, and finally feels himself dropping off to sleep.

-

brian, in fact, does keep his promise.

he blows patrick a couple of minutes after they both wake up. though it makes him a tiny bit late for hopping into the shower and making it into work at a not suspicious time for him. it’s all rewarded by the act of patrick’s hands tugging at his hair and thrusting till he comes down his throat. 

pat and brian, whilst sharing a shower hash the plan of arriving at different times, to not seem like they came in together. it’s decided that brian, who, always gets to work before pat who is always perpetually late will arrive at work an hour earlier.

his travel to work isn’t interesting, except for the fact that he’s slightly limping which fills him with a slight sinful excitement. he’s wearing one of pat’s hoodies and it smells like pat’s shampoo and brian know’s it’s gonna distract him the entire day but he doesn’t care.

what he does care about is simone, who’s been hanging around him ever since he got to his desk. 

“a hoodie today brian?” she asks, leaning against his desk whilst he boots up his pc.

“yep.”

“any reason?”

“nope. just felt like it, i guess.”

she nods, and walks away to her desk but brian knows that it’s not going to be the last time he see her today. the others drone in, he says quick hellos to both jenna and clayton before slipping his headphones on to continue editing. 

he’s right about simone when she pops by later, placing a coffee on his desk, saying something about “you seem worn out, rough night?” to which brian shrugs and thanks her for the coffee. 

he works for another twenty minutes before simone comes his way again. she’s carrying something but brian’s not paying attention to it, more focusing on her facial expression.

brian takes his headphones off, “yeah simone?”

“nice necklace brian,” simone comments, a smirk growing on her face, “do we know the designer?” 

_necklace? _brian raises a confused eyebrow before looking down at where simone gaze falls and _shit, _his entire neck is covered, both side in light and dark purple bruises and he hasn’t been hiding it at all. 

he scratches at the back of his neck, spluttering, trying to come up with an excuse. “well uh-”

which is the exactly when patrick walks into the office, averting his gaze from brian as they had planned. brian’s eyes and drawn immediately to patrick’s neck for what both of them didn’t realize in their tired state; hickies. 

brian looks over to simone who just chuckles darkly, and places the item in her hand on brian’s desk which turns out to be _concealer_, “thought so.”

brian cheeks burn and he can’t stop his shy smile, “how-”

“i’m happy for you both,” she says quietly, before walking away. brian just stares after her, wondering _how? how does she know?_

he rubs at his cheeks to try to get rid of the colour before placing his headphones back on to continue his editing. his phone vibrates a half an hour later, brian flips it over on his desk.

**-> patty cake 10:32am**

u wanna tell me why simone just high fived me?

brian ignores it as they had agreed on minimzing communication today to not be suspicious. he looks over the next time his phone vibrates and brian cannot help but scramble to reread the text again and again. yeah brian, is weak but so is pat and he cannot stop the blush and smile that paints his face the entire day, even if he tried.

**-> patty cake 10:38am**

u look cute in my hoodie


End file.
